Adjusting to Motherhood - By god it was hard

Undiagnosed ADHD and the impact on new mums
Lyn Ray Coaching Fife

Prior to having our son, I was a New Product Development Controller for a large, chilled food company. My job was busy, I worked long hours, I managed a team, there were lots of demands on me every day - but none of that prepared me for motherhood.

This is a photo of Owen and I the day before my 33rd birthday on a day trip to St Andrews.  I was happy.  We were out and about, but on a daily basis it was a different story.  

I really struggled adjusting to motherhood.  We had not long moved back to Scotland.  My family lived in Edinburgh, but I didn’t know anyone in Newtongrange where we had moved. I went to mother and baby groups, but I struggled with small talk and really missed the focussed conversations from work.  Conversations where I felt my input made a difference.

I struggled to keep on top of the house with a baby and 2 dogs and was totally overwhelmed with the amount of brightly coloured plastic that had descended on our home!  When anyone (apart from my Mum) came to visit I felt I needed to clean the house from top to bottom, which took me ages as I’m no domestic goddess and was physically in pain after a car crash of a labour, with the result I ended up resenting visitors unless it was people I really wanted to see.  That caused no end of issues with my husband’s family.  

I felt a failure both as a woman and a mum.   Other women made it look easy.  I found it hard, and I missed the mental stimulation of my job.  Other than my husband, I don’t think anyone had any idea how I felt.  I didn’t talk about it.  I got on with it because that’s what I was raised to do.  I didn’t want anyone to know I wasn’t coping.  I felt ashamed.

Last year, aged 50, I went to a meeting at our kids’ school about ADHD.  By the time the Educational Psychologist was on slide two I’d already ticked a lot of the boxes. From then, things started to make sense.  It explained a lot of the challenges I’d experienced.  My work had brought me constant dopamine hits, a quest that had resulted in burnout, but in adjusting to parenthood I’d missed that hit.   

Over the last year I’ve been learning more about ADHD, particularly in women and girls, and now understand that when oestrogen drops, as happens after having a baby, ADHD symptoms worsen.  Being fearfully independent is a trait of ADHD and as women we are very good at masking but the anxiety this creates is not good for us and it’s not good for our baby. This is a period that is critically important for our baby’s brain development.

I am sharing my story in the hope that it helps other women get the right diagnosis and support when they need it.  I wish I’d know this 20 years ago.

Lyn Ray Coaching Fife
Lyn Ray Coaching Fife
Adjusting to Motherhood - By god it was hard
February 27, 2024

Undiagnosed ADHD and the impact on new mums

How to Overcome Imposter Syndrome
June 29, 2023

I overcame imposter syndrome and so can you.

Building Confidence in our Neurodiverse Kids
January 26, 2023

Our neurodiverse kids are often conscious that they struggle with things other people seem to find easy. This can impact their happiness and their mental health. As parents we can help to build their confidence and self-esteem.

Giving the Two Fingers to the Menopause
November 9, 2022

Are you suffering from peri-menopause or menopause symptoms? Do you want to join me in giving two fingers to the menopause.

What is coaching & why is it useful?
September 26, 2022

What is coaching & why is it useful? Find out some of the benefits of investing your time, energy and money in coaching.

The Pitfalls of People Pleasing & How to Overcome Them
September 6, 2022

As children we often learn that pleasing others is the way to receive love and praise, but in adult life it can bring many pitfalls. How is people pleasing impacting you?

What Does Success Look Like for You?
July 8, 2022

We grow up absorbing all sorts of messages about success from our society, family and education system. These go into our subconscious and impact the choices we make and how we feel about ourselves. But what does success look like for you?

3 Things You Need to Live the Life You Want
March 25, 2022

Want to lead a life you love? You need clarity, self-belief & action. Sound scary. I promise you it's not.

3 Simple Ways to Change the Way You Think
February 28, 2022

The way we think affects how we feel which impacts our actions and therefore our outcomes. If we want to change our life, and stop repeating old patterns, we need to change the way we think.

Are you feeling anxious?
September 1, 2021

Statistics from the Mental Health Foundation show anxiety levels have increased sharply, particularly in women.

Are you exercising your brain?
May 17, 2021

Meditation is exercise for the brain. Brain scanning technology has enabled neuroscientists to see that meditation changes the physical structure of the brain.

Website by ICT Adviser